French Toast and Thought Experiments
by OpiumPoppy
Summary: It's Sheldon's obligation as a citizen of Earth to ensure the Homo Novus race developes to help and lead the inferior Homo Sapiens but even Sheldon can't do everything single-handedly. Who should he choose to give the honour of carrying his offspring?


I don't own Big Bang Theory. This story is for Jislane and the other lovely people who took the time to review my BBT fic 'Let's Get Retarded'. This one is a longer since there was no time limit. I do hope you enjoy it. Any mistakes are my own.

Oh yes, just an assurance, M-preg isn't possible in this fic, just a little bit of Sheldon being silly, you'll know what I mean when you get there :)

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><p>Now, if I wish to continue, nay <em>cultivate,<em> the new super-race which will lead the humans of tomorrow to a new, better and more logical frontier I shall need to... procreate.

Sheldon mused, whilst also steadfastly ignoring the pause he'd made before the 'p' word even in his own mind.

As I am the only known specimen of the theorised Homo Novus it is vital I take the responsibility of... copulation into my own hands.

These pauses really have to stop, he reprimands himself.

Who, of my current acquaintances would be most suitable?

Amy Farrah Fowler, for her mind of course, it is vital any offspring are of an intellect as close as possible to my own, I'd wish for higher but wishing for the highly improbable is illogical, as Leonard Nimoy might say.

I'd wish for equal intelligence but human cloning isn't legal and Meemaw would be upset if I attained a record of criminality. Furthermore, Jesus would cry, I'm sure.

Amy is prone to bouts of spontaneous behaviour whose timings do not correlate to the recurring 28 day period of a menstrual cycle, thus this defect is not tied to the unfortunate hormonal changes associated with her gender and could be transmitted to future generations of the Homo Novus. Unacceptable.

Besides which, Amy is a working women, she does not have time to be pregnant and her body is not the optimal shape.

Bernadette has a body shape well suited to child-bearing and is highly intelligent but as Howard's girlfriend it is not socially acceptable to consider her as the possible mother of my children. I don't see why not, it's not as if she is desirable to me for any other reason or in any other context. Nevertheless she is out of bounds; it is a waste of my time and considerate mental capacity to pursue this train of thought.

I like trains.

Penny then, she has sufficiently wide hips and can be trained quickly with the use of chocolate. She regularly eats with Leonard and myself which means I can unobtrusively monitor, and if necessary, make adjustments to her food intake to fit her dietary requirements as a pregnant female.

There is little chance of abandonment; she has known me this long so what's another nine months? Leonard has been moping; she's not with him then thus no social protocol to follow.

However, there are practical concerns, aside from her mediocre intelligence (compared to my own of course) there is one consideration Penny herself pointed out which has made me reconsider procreation with Amy in the past.

Mother wouldn't approve of in-vitro fertilisation.

Which means whoever I chose would have to engage in... coitus. With me.

Infernal pausing!

If only I could complete the noble ritual of kolinahr and purge all emotion; become a being of pure logic, then it would be fine, I would be able to see a straight-forward and perfectly reasoned course of action. Homo Sapien biology is to blame, I will have my team of Homo Novus offspring counter the problem as soon as they are old enough.

So, new consideration, I must be sexually attracted to, or at least not repulsed by the prospect of, ah, c-coitus with the candidate.

Is stuttering in one's own mind an improvement on pausing?

Who then? Someone I am able to stand for long periods of close proximity.

Then it's obvious! Why didn't I think of this before? If I had multiple personalities (I don't, my mother had me tested) I'm sure one of them would be saying 'Bazinga!'

It is already established that I can live with Leonard for significant periods of time, longer than most others, in fact. He has a reasonably high intellect and most of his negative qualities can be attributed to his upbringing. Also, his mother is very intelligent thus increasing the chances of another generation inheriting this desirable trait.

Leonard also has a pleasing face and has already expressed the desire for a holiday from work; surely nine months would be more than sufficient. Failing that, he can take further time off to care for the infant genii.

I, Sheldon Cooper, do not need kolinahr for I already function in an efficient manner well elevated compared to my closest peers.

Leonard's consent is a given, after all who would be so selfish as to hinder the birth of a new species-the heralds to a brighter future?

Now all that's left to do is find a compromise to the 'wedlock' my mother sees as compulsory to the conception of a child and decide what time periods during the infant's development he should abstain from work, starting with maternity leave then...

Maternity. Mothers. Women.

Drat, Leonard is lacking a womb!

What a crucial oversight. This will never do.

Perhaps if I make a list of criteria on my whiteboard then Leonard can help after he has made today's French toast, operation Homo Novus is important but its Thursday and routine should never be neglected.

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><p>Thank you for reading!<p> 


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